In an open one where expectations are even less clear you need to be more conscious about what you’re negotiating with your partner, Isaacs says. As for what you should do, well, I think you should break up with your boyfriend. Your incompatibilities are significant enough that they have you actively pursuing an affair . Notably, your DM doesn’t mention anything you particularly love about your boyfriend or any positive aspect of your relationship together that would make it worth fighting for. And frankly, it’s clear that you don’t have much respect for this man, given how ready and willing you are to cheat on him.

You say that you plan to meet up with this guy whether or not your boyfriend consents to it. So really, framing this conversation as „asking“ him for an open relationship would just add another layer of deceit to the whole situation. You’re not actually interested in gauging your boyfriend’s feelings about an open relationship; you’re interested in having sex with someone else regardless of how he feels about it. You should not present this to your boyfriend as something he has a say in when you’ve already decided he doesn’t.

They also note that if you have a hard time expressing your needs and boundaries in relationships, individual therapy can be extremely beneficial. Ethical nonmonogamy isn’t a magical cure for any and all relationship problems. For example, sometimes one partner has come to identify as nonmonogamous while the other hasn’t—but perhaps feels they should embrace nonmonogamy in order to “save” the relationship. There are a lot of reasons why a couple might consider opening up their existing relationship. But what if you start talking about an open relationship and your partner says they’re not ready?

  • People in open relationships don’t consider monogamy necessary in order to maintain a healthy and stable relationship.
  • Who will give you hardcore polyamory facts so that you’re both armed and ready.
  • All that said, you will probably not want to start with one-on-one hookups with outside people.
  • If you’re interested in exploring an open relationship, here are Major’s three tips to get you started.

I’m with him for all the other hours, the ones where we’re shopping together, watching TV, cooking, or not doing much of anything at all. And the hours in bed, holding him, are irreplaceable on this earth. They could not be replicated in all the billions of people out there, because there’s only one him. Intimacy is not sex, because you can’t have it with just anyone, and intimacy is what you want to cultivate and tend to in a good love story.

You’ll stumble into an online culture of progressive people who use therapy and mental health terms a lot — many of the people leading the discourse on non-monogamy are therapists. Sex outside a monogamous relationship is considered „cheating.“ „When you’re in a monogamous relationship you’re doing the framework provided for you based on our society and culture,“ she says. „We prioritize and understand romantic relationships to be exclusive. If you’re in an open relationship, our cultural structures and systems are not designed for you.“ There’s no „wrong“ reason to open up your relationship — except this one.

How to Have a Successful Open Marriage

After all, you’re doing this because you value your existing relationship and don’t want to end it. Miranda Davis is a freelance writer in relation and psychology area. Miranda is interested in such topics as building healthy relationships between people, love/sex compatibility, and how to find the right balance in life in general. She is currently doing specific research on the best online dating sites on the topic. Given the complexity of negotiating and maintaining consensual nonmonogamous relationships, it is not a surprise that choosing it as a strategy to mend a damaged relationship generally does not end well.

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Other people look for open relationships, because they want to supplement their current relationship with something different. Perhaps you are not fully satisfied in a straight or gay relationship for example. If this is the case, opening your relationship will offer different ways to meet your sexual and emotional needs. These are both great reasons to look outside of a monogamous relationship, as long as both parties are excited about the prospect of sleeping with other people. You should not start an open relationship to solve the problems of your current relationship, these problems will not go away, and will likely be magnified if you add more people to the mix. More specifically, open relationships are not the solution to infidelity!

In some cases, you may be convinced that you won’t mind if your partner interacts with other people, Leeth says, but when it actually happens, you can find yourself heart-broken. „What is important to remember is that there is no concrete, right-and-wrong, set of boundaries,“ Leeth says. Each couple may have different boundaries that work best for them.


In order for an open marriage to be successful, you’ll need to work together to decide the rules you’ll both follow to ensure one another’s emotional and physical safety. Now that you’ve done your research and you’ve both confirmed that opening your marriage feels like the right choice for you, you’ll want to communicate your goals with one another. Sometimes, people who are married consider opening their marriage up. When they do, it’s very important that they follow some simple steps in order to have the best possible chance at keeping their relationship successful once they do open it.